BusterB: The Princess

An enduring figure in the world of dating is The Princess, the woman who thinks that she deserves to be treated like royalty. Women will tell you that this type is few and far between, and that most women are perfectly reasonable. However, the truth is not that there are few Princesses, but that the phenomenon manifests itself in many ways, and that most Princesses don't think that they're Princesses because they don't demand huge amounts of money from their men. However, many women are Princesses simply because they assume that their men are there to do things for them, and that they don't need to do anything for their men: "Our presence is our gift to you," as one female friend once pronounced.

Following is a list of Princess beliefs (admittedly exaggerated for drama) that I wrote while in a particularly pissed-off mood. As a result, I now consider it tongue-in-cheeck. Mrs. Buster often claims that she feels like a servant, even as she displays the kinds of behaviour detailed below. To get the most out of the joke, mentally substitute "man" for "servant," and "bitch out" or "emotionally thrash" for "flog."

I do not adapt to the world; the world adapts to me.
I do not change my plans to be with my servant. He changes his plans in order to be with me.
I do not go looking for my servant if he is not in the room and I want to talk to him. It's bad enough that I have to summon him, let alone having to look for him.
- I do not come when my servant calls for me. Servants do not summon princesses; princesses summon servants. If my servant wants to say something to me, he must come to where I am.
I don't ask for things. My servant offers me choices, gauges my reaction, and chooses for me. If he chooses badly, I will flog him.
- If anything goes wrong, it is my servant's fault, because all plans and ideas were his choices in the first place.
- When, on rare occasion, I do ask for something directly, it shall immediately become my servant's top priority. I so rarely ask for anything directly that anything I do ask for directly is obviously of critical importance and I should get it... fast!
My servant must adapt to my moods and whims. I do not adapt to his. In fact, I want him to hide his moods from me. Why should I have to deal with them?
My servant does not forget my wishes. I must be the most important thing on his mind. If he forgets what I tell him, or forgets what we have agreed upon, it means that he is thinking of something other than me, and he will be flogged for this.
Some of my favourite expressions:
- "I don't like..."
- "I want..."
- "You don't love me."
- "I'm unhappy."
- "You promised..."
- "You have to love me the way I am."
- "You have no right..."
I test my servant's love for me constantly. He must never test my love—my word that I love him should be enough.
If I feel as though my servant has mistreated me, it means that he does not love me
- My servant must love me in spite of mistreatment.
- My servant demonstrates his love in how well he carries out my instructions. I demonstrate my love for him by what I choose to do for him when I'm in the mood.
I don't ask for help. My servant should be constantly thinking of ways to help me, and acting on his thoughts before I even have time to realize that I need help. If he misses an opportunity to help me, it is his fault for not thinking of me more.
When I want my servant, he should be there for me, even if I have sent him off to do something for me. I do not care about time, schedules, or that he cannot be in two places at once. I want what I want when I want it, and I do not care for logistical problems.
There is no need for me to keep my word or play by rules. I make the rules, and I can change them in the middle of the game. Rules are for servants, not for princesses.
If I intend that something be a joke, then it is a joke. My servant's discomfort at what I may say is irrelevant.
- If one of my servant's jokes offends my sensibilities, then it was not a joke. My servant's intentions in saying it are irrelevant.

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	An enduring figure in the world of dating is The Princess, the woman who thinks that she deserves to be treated like royalty. Women will tell you that this type is few and far between, and that most women are perfectly reasonable. However, the truth is not that there are few Princesses, but that the phenomenon manifests itself in many ways, and that most Princesses don't think that they're Princesses because they don't demand huge amounts of money from their men. However, many women are Princesses simply because they assume that their men are there to do things for them, and that they don't need to do anything for their men: "Our presence is our gift to you," as one female friend once pronounced. Following is a list of Princess beliefs (admittedly exaggerated for drama) that I wrote while in a particularly pissed-off mood. As a result, I now consider it tongue-in-cheeck. Mrs. Buster often claims that she feels like a servant, even as she displays the kinds of behaviour detailed below. To get the most out of the joke, mentally substitute "man" for "servant," and "bitch out" or "emotionally thrash" for "flog." I do not adapt to the world; the world adapts to me. I do not change my plans to be with my servant. He changes his plans in order to be with me. I do not go looking for my servant if he is not in the room and I want to talk to him. It's bad enough that I have to summon him, let alone having to look for him. I do not come when my servant calls for me. Servants do not summon princesses; princesses summon servants. If my servant wants to say something to me, he must come to where I am. I don't ask for things. My servant offers me choices, gauges my reaction, and chooses for me. If he chooses badly, I will flog him. If anything goes wrong, it is my servant's fault, because all plans and ideas were his choices in the first place. When, on rare occasion, I do ask for something directly, it shall immediately become my servant's top priority. I so rarely ask for anything directly that anything I do ask for directly is obviously of critical importance and I should get it... fast! My servant must adapt to my moods and whims. I do not adapt to his. In fact, I want him to hide his moods from me. Why should I have to deal with them? My servant does not forget my wishes. I must be the most important thing on his mind. If he forgets what I tell him, or forgets what we have agreed upon, it means that he is thinking of something other than me, and he will be flogged for this. Some of my favourite expressions: "I don't like..." "I want..." "You don't love me." "I'm unhappy." "You promised..." "You have to love me the way I am." "You have no right..." I test my servant's love for me constantly. He must never test my love—my word that I love him should be enough. If I feel as though my servant has mistreated me, it means that he does not love me My servant must love me in spite of mistreatment. My servant demonstrates his love in how well he carries out my instructions. I demonstrate my love for him by what I choose to do for him when I'm in the mood. I don't ask for help. My servant should be constantly thinking of ways to help me, and acting on his thoughts before I even have time to realize that I need help. If he misses an opportunity to help me, it is his fault for not thinking of me more. When I want my servant, he should be there for me, even if I have sent him off to do something for me. I do not care about time, schedules, or that he cannot be in two places at once. I want what I want when I want it, and I do not care for logistical problems. There is no need for me to keep my word or play by rules. I make the rules, and I can change them in the middle of the game. Rules are for servants, not for princesses. If I intend that something be a joke, then it is a joke. My servant's discomfort at what I may say is irrelevant. If one of my servant's jokes offends my sensibilities, then it was not a joke. My servant's intentions in saying it are irrelevant.